trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you would pick up someone in the library
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
