how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
