Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
