You really coming over, don't trick.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Randomize
