He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
