Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
