We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
