we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
