I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
