he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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