just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
