Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
