Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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