Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
