ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Pooping to opera.
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