I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she peed on how many people?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
