Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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