We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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