the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
