just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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