singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
