Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
