When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
