Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
