If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
