FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
