She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
