just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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