He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
