I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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