Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
