I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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