NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
