where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
