dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
bring money and cleavage
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
