playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I deserve this hangover.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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