Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Small penises have feelings too.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
