hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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