That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
