I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
