Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
