maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
