Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Are my feet made of real feet?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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