I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
