You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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