too bad you live with your parents still
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize