just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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