I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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