I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
