Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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