i already hear my dad disowning me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
