She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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