She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
