I can tuck mytits in my pants
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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