well I can't set my house on fire every night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
