I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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