I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
